\n Despite the fact that the Mahoney family motto is \u201cPrinceps Emere, Humilis Vende\u201d, I am often reminded that humility and the related attributes of kindness, patience, and acceptance are the real secrets to personal and professional growth. Being humble does not mean be subservient or obsequious; instead, in my experience, being humble means being aware of one\u2019s limits, strengths, and open to alternatives.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n And every time I forget my family\u2019s motto, I wind up on the wrong side of things. Every. Single. Time. For example\u2026\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n Once upon a time, I attended a conference. The team from my company was invited to the prep sessions and the post-event debriefs with the conference organizer. I am always somewhat surprised when there is a scheduled debrief, doubly so when the meeting placeholders are sent out the same time the pre-event briefing invites are sent out. Triply so when the post-event debrief meeting has an established agenda and framework, as was the case with this recent conference. The prep went well, and the content and resources provided directly related to the events and flow experienced at the conference. It was in the post-event debrief cycle where I really stepped in it.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n See, every time I defer to my standard response tendencies (Snark is my first language, Sarcasm my second, English a distant third) I overstep, complicate and embarrass (mostly myself, and usually those associated with me). Such was the case here, where, when given the chance to pause, consider, draft, and then edit an email forward, I didn\u2019t. While keeping the event organizer on copy. And several of my colleagues. And my boss.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n Despite all the planning in the world, all the effort made to communicate and clarify both pre-event and while events roll out, challenges, problems, and the unexpected always occur. And this time, rather than take a breath, thank the organizer\u2019s team for sharing their understanding of a challenge that cropped up during the event, and then adding in my impressions and request for clarification in clear, concise, polite language, I did the opposite. I drafted a note full of snark and critique and sent it using \u201cReply All\u201d and editing the recipient list to remove the organizer\u2019s team and retain mine. Except of course I left the lead organizer on the note.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n Three things happened in quick succession: my colleague who owned the relationship sent me an appropriately terse email (\u201cDude! You kept XXX on your email, you ****ing idiot!!!\u201d), I nearly threw up in shame and embarrassment, and the lead organizer replied with a very kind, thoughtful message asking me to help him understand the situation in more detail. I replied to the latter message with what I should have sent in the first place ( a note of thanks, with my perspective on the events and actions surrounding the specific challenge, and a willingness to set up a meeting for a deeper discussion), and received a kind reply in return. He graciously ignored what was a flippant and sarcastic email, and we were able to move forward with no acrimony.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n When I listen to my better angels, who regularly whisper \u201cBuy High, Sell Low\u201d in my ear, I am a better colleague, partner, and dad. It has been said that it is in the space in between an event and the response where the opportunity for choice and decision sits. Wil Wheaton (author, speaker and actor) has described his first draft of any writing he does as his \u201cpuke draft\u201d. I\u2019ve adopted this description for my own first drafts, be they email, PPT or blog post. Taking a moment to \u201cpuke\u201d all over the (virtual) page is helpful, especially if I resist the temptation to edit as I write. Taking another moment (really, many, many moments) to revise, restate, and remember kindness leads to better, clearer communication from me. And in return, I learn, inquire, clarify, and support \u2013 all to the good! These are moments of humility, focused on recognizing that what I think is the \u201cright\u201d was to express myself may not actually be the case (and in fact, rarely is).\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n Covey famously wrote we should, \u201cSeek first to understand, and then to be understood.\u201d My take on that is: Seek first, and second, and third to understand. Making the attempt to seek out the available resources and leverage them before escalating to another person or team is always a good starting point. This allows you to inform and revise your initial knowledge or understanding gap, and then escalate with a more complete frame of reference that eases the burden on your escalation point. When you come to that conversation having exhausted what you can, you demonstrate humility, kindness, and consideration, and I\u2019ve found that entering conversations from this position yields a richer, more beneficial collaboration. The compounding impact of this repeated behavior in turn yields a more open, engaged, and motivated team. With that comes a more positive, supportive, and successful corporate culture, one that attracts and retains the right mix of those that \u201cfit\u201d and help maintain (and accelerate) company growth. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n So you\u2019ll have that going for you. Which is nice.\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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